Sir Alex Ferguson is apparently furious with his coveted Portugese winkers filirtations with the spanish giants Real Madrid, so much so he has used his connections to derail the Portugeesers holiday plans. Reliable sources close to the Manchester supremo confided under strict anonymity for fear of inviting the hair dryer that old red nose has asked all air lines to cancell the Portugeesers flight tickets. Ronaldo was last seen at a travel agent in Austria trying desperately to charter a flight. The only option he has been given is to take a ferry that takes two weeks to get to gllomy Manchester effectively rendering his holiday a sardine fested one. The name of the ferry? The pride of Manchester.
June 21, 2008
January 14, 2007
It’s been a while folks, I finally had the chance to visit the San Siro and here’s a review of the Inter game w/Messina . San Siro by the way is the home ground of Inter Milan one of the top footie clubs in Italy.
Getting to the stadium itself was a breezer, the trams are clearly numbered and if you had passed the local O/L’s you can’t go wrong. If not all you had to do was find a Sri Lankan and ask and the lads are very helpful and are every where! YAY!!!
The staidum itself is something else, Inter were playin Messina which is the quivalent of Manu playing Watford. So I expected a half empty or like big Steve w/the white teeth says half full.
As the match started the Inter supporters started flooding in and boy it was some match to watch. The atmosphere was uneblievable, the chants were deafeening and I had to keep looking back to make sure the buggers seated on the ralingings didnt come crashin down. Every time Ibrahimovitch got the ball the crowd went crazy.
I have some pics, which I would upload later on..
So here’s the lowdown on how the boys at Inter did:
1. Figo – definetely past his sell by date, looked jaded and struggled to control the passes.
2. Ole boy Patric V from Pizza throwin fame – the ex gunners captain looked sharp and went for every ball. You cant help think Wenger sold him a tad too early.
3. Ibrahimovitch – Always looked threatening and played some good through balls in. Scored a clean goal and was an ever present.
4. Last not least “MATERAZZI” – Who can forget ole Mat from head butt fame from the world cup. He maybe loathed in France but if his goal is anything to go by he is still a star at Inter. Man – he scored an awesome scissor kick or as we call it a bicycle kick!
2-0 to Innter w/20 more minutes to go, it was always going to a be abad idea to stay till the last minute so had to jet.
Next to the Haj – now i seriously want to make it to Old Trafford before Fergie retires. if Inter with 45,000 was rocking I cant even imagin how the theater of dreams would be with 76,000 people!
Once I got out managed to pick some Inter memeorabilia for my bro and headed to the tram stop. I was carrying two huge Inter flags w/the pole and all. Suddenly the dude next to me taps me on the shoulder and says something that sounded like”
He “ Wahtfuck inter?”
Me – thinking damn this is a Messina fan and I might get beans now, keepin quiet.
He” wahtfuck inetr? slightly annoyed at my silence.
Me – Damn, bad show…keeping still and quiet
He was agitated by now and I was thinking whether I should throw a punch back if attacked? for all you know the entire Tram was full of Messina boys…
He starts flippin…(I am bracin myself now)
He starts makin something that looked like a circle, flippin and asked again”whatfuk inter? By now the dude was clearly annoyed and I did mention again i dont speak Italain.
Seeing the racket at the back one bloke comes runnin towards and me and I thought ok this is it. He comes upto me and says in clear English “he just wants to know the score!!!!!!”
damn – he was flippin to ask whether it was 1 and making zero’s to ask whether nil! How was I supposed to know!!!
Anyway relieved I tell the mafiaso it was 2-0 to Inter and all hell broke loose. The buggers were screamin there heads off and kissin each other ( I managed to escape this friendly ritual).
So you can say I had an eventful trip and back.
ciao!
August 17, 2006
The Sunday Misleader Article On The Royal Park Murder
Posted by alfaq under Weekend dose[10] Comments
Has anyone seen the Sunday Misleader article about the Royal Park murder case? Weekend before last they had a spread on poor young Shermantha Jayamaha’s mother’s failed and appalling attempt to try and paint a pretty picture and why the boys not guilty.
For starters she claims the Johansson’s were influential and managed to sway the cops and put pressure, we all know who the Jayamaha’s are and if you don’t they’ve got more mullah than they know what to do with!
Here we have a mum:
** admitting her son was on Ecstasy and apparently so was the dead girl, so it’s ok??? Why she thought that this spoilt brat should not have been sent to re-hab still beats me. What mother would publicly want to come out and say yes her son was a drug user???
** Says the confessions were made under force – who are we kidding now missus?? This is nothing short of ramblings of a women who has been an appalling mum and without admitting her mistakes blames everybody else. The kid’s had a broken home and was spoilt beyond belief.
It is a crime in itself he did not get life, after all he took one. Not even the mighty Daya Perera could spare him jail time. 12 years is not fitting the crime, but at least I am glad he got some time.
I fervently hope this boy gets his ass fucked proper jail bird style, but then again this is SL and if they managed to get the centerfold in the Sunday Misleader then it’s certainly possible he will have a PS3 even before we get one in a nice lil cell with a Jacuzzi.
July 3, 2006
As most of you know Bally’s club in good ole SL does not welcome it’s citizen’s i.e. Sri Lankan’s. Apparently we are not deserving of the red carpet.How they decided on this still beats me considering half of the population in there is full of Chinese whores!!
So we had this buyer who was at Bally’s and had no way of contacting him, me and my colleague MO decided to get in pretending to be Indian’s. So up we went to the entrance and this is how it went:
Bouncer : Are you from Sri Lanka?
Me : No, we arrr from Indiar
Bouncer: Can I see your passport?
Me : Surry we lucked it up in safe at the Galadarrri (Now we all know that’s where most Indian tourists go)
Bouncer: Thank-you sir, welcome to Bally’s (I am through!)
Bigger bouncer: Where are you from sir?
MO : We arrr from Sri Lanka
Out!!! That was the end, we got kicked out!!
June 27, 2006
September 26th 2003, a day to remember for more reasons than one. Actually make it three. Being the Eid festival day and that being a work day for me, I finally managed to convince my folks I should and could drive back from Kandy. As part of the deal I agreed to take someone with me, my parents were happy the village bully and self proclaimed Taekwando champion was joining me. I had to drop the dude over at Browns beach in Negombo and that for me was a small price to pay to get back to Colombo.
I had been driving for four months, the 2L GXE Primera I owned at that time was pretty quick, at 150HP stock that car was you could say a lot of fun to drive for someone who didn’t have much experience.
So off we went, left Kandy around 09:00 pm and as most people do from outstations wounded up a Prado boy. Now if there is anything bigger than the engines these boys had it was their ego. So the theory was to find someone who thought I was trying to race em and get back and keep trailing him, this way he does all the blinking and lowing the beams when the countless morons on the Kandy road keep coming head on with their headlights on. Made driving less stressful.
My addiction to cigarettes and plain tea’s have cost me big over the years and this day would prove to be one of the worst, cruising at aprx 140km’s we reached Warakapola in no time. Just before the usual pit stop for smokes I made sure to over take the pajero- smashing the geer down to third and take him down with a roar (thanks to the custom exhaust my brother had fitted) just to prove a point 
He was a good sport and actually waved at me! Anyways after the customary tea and two smokes me and the black belt were back on the road.
I couldn’t be bothered trailing now and we started hammering away, I have taken the
Kandy road a zillion times and know most of the turns and cautions but somehowI had managed to travel from Warakapola to Weveldeniya in low beams and when I realized this and put the high beams on, shit! right before me about 50 mts away was 90 digree uphill turn. In rally terms should have been a triple caution slow right!!!
I thought I will downshift my way and power out of the corner. My black belt friend however thought otherwise, screaming “oh god” “oh god” he was almost on my seat trying to cling onto me ( to this day I don’t know what he was trying to do!) I thought he was trying to strangle me for trying to kill him. If I missed the corner we were looking at 150 feet down, nice free fall for Bunjee jumping. Any courage I had, any plans I had instantly gave way to fear and chaos. No way we could brake all that way and if I rememeber right my pads were wasted too!
Slammed the brakes, turned the steering to the right and pulled the handbrake (not by skill but due to fear and not knowing what else to do). The next 30 seconds is something I can not remember. Thud – We had landed, I was on the right shoulder of the road and into a ditch. Luckily we had buckled up so the big cry baby and I were in one piece, I immediately got down to check the damage and guess what folks that was my lucky day or that’s what I thought…..
The front buffer was smashed, the side skirts were scratched and that’s all. Not bad eh?
I tried reversing out, no luck. The front wheels were jammed. Being a bit stressed out we decided to have a smoke and I must admit we attracted a hell of a lot of attention. I kept pointing at black belt to indicate he was the driver ) Villagers came running and people passing stopped to ask whether they could help. There were two vans however that grabbed my attention, full of guys who were cocked out of their brains they slowly started getting out and yes lifting the car!! I hadn’t so much as asked but the good Samaritans helped to lift it and they also made it a point to place it facing Kandy on the shoulder of the road dead straight! I thanked them profusely and as aclho does to some people, they professed the love for their malli (brother) over and over and wanted to know whether I needed help to drive back. Thanking them I said I am good.
Seeing the crowd gather an off duty policeman stopped by to help, advising me of the dangers of driving fast the OIC was about to take off when “screeeeeeeeeeech and bang” of all things on the road a 7 SRI Ford way passed the sell by date and what looked like something destined for the junkyards lost control in the same fashion and smashed nose first into the rear door of my car. What a night…
Suddenly people were screaming and then only we realized the moron had run over two of the innocent villagers who had stopped by to help me. They were screaming in pain and by now the village thagayas were crying murder. For once I thought they were gonna torch my ride and everything next to it. The officer took charge and thundered no one be touched and he made me drive the injured to the Negombo hospital. That ride was the longest I have taken to complete 15kms, slow and still shivering I drove them to the hospital. That done we went to the cop shed where the good copper let me off the hook, he basically wrote something like this on the entry “I had stopped for a smoke on the way to Kandy (remember car was pointing that way) and as laws require had left my park lights on when the Ford banged into me. Nice. (I found out later that the Ford didn’t even have a handbrakes or lights, when I left for the hospital the villagers had to go running behind it and stop it from rolling down the road towards oncoming traffic and that’s why the copper was cheesed off with these boys)
Relieved and some six hours later from the time I left home we headed towards Negombo. I promised myself that I wouldn’t do more than 40kms, 40 became 50 and 50 became 60 and that became 70. Anxious for a smoke and some tea, we were on the look out. Since the brothers had all closed shop for the festival not a single place was open. Damn!!
Just before the turn off to the airport, I heard a loud bang. What now – hoping I hadn’t hit a cyclist I got off. The fog lights were dangling and the front buffer properly wrecked.It seems I had hit a dog. Just my day, I got in and told the Black belt who now seemed to be in some sort of a trance I am crashing with him, no way I could drive back as I was knackered.
5 minutes and 10 kms later another loud bang and what seemed like a quack, I was too exhausted to stop and I knew for sure it was not a human. I went staright to my friends quarters and hit the sack. I needed the sleep!
Next morning I woke up to see what was left of my car, the two fogs that were dangling were missing. Front buffer grazing the ground and the mud flaps had come off too!
Rear door was smashed and so was the boot lid and the lights on the left side. Not a pretty sight, get this – feathers of what was once part of a duck all over the vehicle.You would have thought I was into poultry!!
That tea sure cost me a lot, 150G’s to be precise. Then there is the instance of the cuppa costing me my ribs but that’s not for the blog!
As for me I made the mistake of narrating this to my friends and folks at work, even if I am the only one sober I don’t get to drive anymore !! And oh – when I went to collect the entry, the good OIC was laughing when he heard what had happened the previous day only to get annoyed that I didn’t stop to pick the duck up for him!
June 22, 2006
Czech referee, Lackov Spezchs, was facing an inquiry into why he tried to book … yes a corner flag!
Maybe his folks knew he was short sighted, maybe that’s why they named him Lackov Spezchs, the Czech referee rushed towards the corner flag and proceeded to book, yes lack of specks booked the bloody corner flag! As far as bloopers go this is the mother of all, this was at a hush hush practice game between the US of A and England.
After a lengthy investigation the FA concluded the ref could not be penalized as the flag had a very close resemblance to Peter Crouch! Ouch!
Still on Crouch, Crouchie has been ear marked for the next Robbo cop movie, producers say it had nothing to with the dance but they think Crouchie is a natural in the art of slow moves.
By the way Didier from diving fame Drogba is staying back at the bridge next season. All you folks who bought tickets to the plays next season better cancel same. There wont be a better combination than Drog and Robben. Bad news is we will miss Del Horno, so it’s gonna be just the two of them. Damn!
Seen the Argie game? Now that was a game worth watching, they shattered the supposedly best defense in Europe in style. All three subs scored and for set pieces the 24 pass goal should be rated as one of the finest. They do not have the dino’s but they have their own brand of talent. Although having super stars like Ron, Dino and Kaka can help they also showed why it’s not a pre-requisite to win at football. It’s a team sport after all and here we were beginning to think it wasn’t.
After the thrashing the Serb’s didn’t help things either, the excuse for the hammering? frogs from the marshland next to the hotel were too loud in the night and couldn’t catch sleep!
Check this out, one of my all time favorites! Since it’s footie time I thought I will share the Jose Mourinho impersonation once more. This is supposedly at a press conference after Del Horno was sent off for a tackle on Messi when Chelskea took on Barca. Mour of course thought Messi went down too easily.
June 12, 2006
So they battled over Roo’s fitness, Manu don’t want their star man to be further injured by playing too early lest he aggrivates his injury.
So the fiery Scott i.e Alex Ferguson and the tabloid feed i.e Sven Goran Ericsson were supposedly having a 40 minute four letter conference call. This is how Alfaq reckons it went….
Sven: Hello, hello Is that Fergie? This is Sven..Sven Ericsson
Ferguson: You bangin Pansy still?
Sven : err it was Nancy
Ferguson:Nancy, Pansy makes no difference they all like older men!
Sven: err I want to talk about Rooney
Ferguson: So how’s Faria? Was she better than Pansy??
Sven: It was NANCY and Listen I want to talk about Rooney, I need him!
Ferguson: Now you into boys Sven? I didn’t realize you were inclined that way!! No wonder you took that 17 year ole lad what's his nameWalcott ..
Sven: (All flustered) no no, I mean I need him on my team…
Ferguson: Oh, you should have said so. Yes you can’t have him.
Sven: err he is a very important part of our team, we need to play him Alex
Ferguson: what part of cant don’t you understand you stupid schmuck?
Sven: I am not getting into that…I er er (stammerin)
Ferguson : Maybe if you stopped bangin the Pansies you could have spent some time on developing someone else without relying on my boy to bail you out for everything.
Sven: This is totally uncalled for, I.e.…i..(Stammerin)
Ferguson: You got that right, calling me at 6am when I am holidaying. Your bollocks you f**** moron.
Sven: err I am very sorry sir Alex; btw did you get the le rule wine I sent you? Two cases?
Ferguson: Oh, so it was you?? Why didn’t you just ask before?? Of course we all have the best interest of England. Club over country any day. Say hi to Pansy for me…
June 2, 2006
I thought I was at Durdans until I saw this! I actually was at Durdans and they actually had this sign. I guess it’s for breast cancer check-ups….You would think they would need to elaborate a bit.Moving on stones can be costly, stones in the bladder are no exception albeit more painful than owning gem stones.
Karu from the office was admitted and this is what the great boy had to say when the stethoscoped one asked whether he drinks enough water ”I don’t know how I can get stones, I have been drinking a lot of water”Okay good sez the doc “How long you’ve been drinking a lot of water for”?“Oh only two weeks now” came the reply! There you go.I guess the funniest was when the technician came with the X-rays and the docs couldn’t find the second kidney. They gave the poor boy a heart attack… I think they have found it now; wait a minute word around the office is they still haven’t!
Limewire : I guess Limewire is one of the few file sharing software’s that really believe in what they sell, I tried downloading the limewire Pro version which normally is supposed to cost money through the free version and hell it’s all there and for free!! Beat that!!
May 18, 2006
Christopher “From The Office “And The Expensive French Wine
Posted by alfaq under The Office (not the bbc one)Leave a Comment
Hello – If you’ve been following the blog (no chance I know!) you will have an indication of Christopher, he happens to me by boss right now.
Last Christmas our division happened to receive an expensive hamper, filled with expensive booze and the usual chocks and cheese. Now Chris happened to be in the other division so he technically did not qualify for the goodies.
Now we all knew Chris had a thing for bottles, he’s been on a collecting spree for as long as I can remember. Matter of fact the first day he drove his vehicle (I happened to be a navigator again), both of us were shivering half way through ..he couldn’t drive for shit, let alone driving we had a time stopping the car at color lights..So I was very much surprised when I thought the goal was to get home w/out smashing the rearview mirror too may times, when the man pulls over (not literally we were pretty much still on the road) parks and asks me to pick up some bottles that a colleague had brought from a U.S trip!
Now that I have clarified how much these mean to the man, Let's go back to the story behind the bottles.We decided to switch the labels of an expensive looking French wine with a bottle of Vinegar cork and all.(Somebody ought to have told me the man was gonna be my boss someday!!)Removing the label was easy, finding a cork was not! After spending like most of the lunch break we managed to get that right..Now the easy part, walking up to Christopher I casually mentioned we had a Black and an expensive wine, I said I am taking the Black and no one else wanted wine.You guessed it, the man’s eyes lit up and he was already thinking of Christmas.
Off he went the day before we closed for X-mas with the wine bottle tucked in the lap top bag. What nice friends I am sure he was thinking.We could not wait, so we were disappointed when he did not turn up for work on the 28th when we re-opened so we could hear how nice the wine was! Nor did he turn up on the 29th or 30th.The man was missing, finally turning up on the 1st.
It seems that he was not sick, but the nephews were. Apparently the Chris clan give the lil boys spoonfuls of wine at X-mas!! They’d been purging for days and he wanted to know whether the wine was bad!!
Wasn’t me, wasn’t me.
To make up and most importantly now that he is my boss now, I did give the boss a nice bottle of Chivas a few months ago. What with the reviews coming up and all it was too much of a risk. Lol was kidding – No I got it free and besides I owed the man the bottle – to be fair.
