srilankarocks!

Well you see we have this annual bowling tournament we organize, my company supports thus to generate funds for a few charities we support. Now “the office”” has organized one and taken part in a few, however nothing won yet.

The weeks before the actual tournament's, generally a costly affair. The bowling team's hard at practice and everyone pretty much was topping 150, which was enough to demolish the oppostion.Here is a round-up of the partiscipants:

Sudu Mahattaya (no he aint an expat and he aint sudu) – Claimed from day one “on a good day he easily gets 180”, of course he was in the team and on the big day, No it was not one of his good days. Matter of fact I don’t think we have seen a good day at all.

Verdict: We are hopeful he doesn’t use up the “good day” on one of the next set of practice rounds before the next tournament.

Brother King: You should know him by now! Highly excited and disoriented on the day of the game, maybe the huge crowd tensed him up. You should have seen him on that night, all pumped up!

Verdict: Barely lived up to his practice session form, easily distracted.

Ice Manju: The man behind the whole scene organizes the practice sessions and is heavily involved in all things bowling. During practice the ice man’s in tremendous form. Knocking a single pin down is simply an effortless exercise for him. You should understand “Ice“ here is not meant to be taken as cool by anyway but simply due to the fact Manju boy is from the same area as the original ice Manju who got his ass whooped by the cops.

Verdict: Made the mistake of challenging Christopher’s clan for a bottle after loosing the tournament. Lost and we are still waiting for the Absolute bottle he promised.

End of the day we lost by three points, which was not all that bad. How bad depends on who you loose to as well, so trust me it was pretty bad!

But then the discrads in the B team were just 16 points behind. Hmmm..One thing is clear, bowling we have some hope, if you have read my previous post you will know the singin at the bowling alley was atrocious! We will probably have big M keeping good on his promise to deliver fetilizer at Rs 300 before we hear my collegues do a deascent number…cheers to that

There are three certainities in life, Death, Tax and my office mates can’t sing for shit.A couple of weeks ago they were trying to sing Pretty women and if there wasn’t a chorus with the same words we wouldn’t still know what song they were attempting!

That aside one thing I have learnt is, buying a new performance ride in Sri Lanka is a non starter. Unless of course you or your daddy have a lot of “mullah” than you know what to do with.

So did work on a project and with the help of Dinesh Jay and Sajad from Auto force fame and of course the Zee man from I-chips campus (with apologies to KLM), to convert a standard automatic Honda civic hatch (EXI) into an awesome B16A beast.

The EXI’s come with just over a 100horses and that aint any fun at all. So the plan was to dump a B16A, the legendary Honda Doc engine into the hatch, along with the ECU (computer box), geer box and wire harness. The breaks were to be upgraded as well to all around disks. 15″ sniper alloys completed the look

After two weeks at the Auto force HQ’s down Karanasara road and a few testing runs the car was ready, well not quiet. Ready here is defined as engines running no “miss” or ECU call outs. I took the car out that Sat night and boy what a difference it was. Vroooooom
Instead of 7000 RPM cut off I had 9000 and the V-Tec, what a racket that created..

You had to hear it to believe it, the V-Tec came on at 6000 (set late) with such power and noise it was like having turbo or something. A few spins around Colombo and letting my fellow members at HQ drive the verdict was satisfactory. Stone cold killer loved it and papa Z thought it was too much power on my hands.

It was purrfect, not quite..coming down baseline I saw the color lights change to amber and thought I will break late (no one was on my tail)..hell –the rear wheels locked and the car swerved and stopped..phew –that was close to the railing. Off it went to auto force HQ’s and the boys there did a good job fixin the breaks. The fault was in the break pump and it was fixed in no time. The SIR’s were being sold at aprx Rs 1.5 million den and I had mine one for 300k less,

The SIR was a whole lot of fun and the time and money spent was well worth it..The mugen kit it certainly made it look good….

Sadly work was getting in the way and I could not maintain the SIR anymore and had to part with it. It’s been re-done now by the new owner and it’s much much more faster, neater and uh cleaner. Will try and add some pics of the hot hatch.

Bottomline – It was worth swapping a performance engine before the duty change, its
FULLY worth now as the prices for these cars have just shot thru the roof. Afterall
If you needed the new Civic now you have to pocket a cool 5 mil. See what I mean..

The key is to find a reliable and trust worthy source for the conversion.

My friend “NG” lets refer to him as that, has confirmed cost to convert a lancer into
a kick ass EVO3 with racing breaks/ Recaro seats and the works. Anyone interested?

**Just in case your ignorant about cars, I am not calling this vehicle SIR out of respect for the car or some bull shit like that. That’s the badge Honda ships the B16A engines under. The U.S market equivalent is “Civic SI”

Hello – welcome to another day, I was thinking I would give you an insight into the unique and sometimes weird** individuals that share the place I spend most of my time (yep more than my home) the office. Surrounded by tons and tons of lingerie and Manequins a day at the office is something we all look fwd to, you will see why below:

**King Kong :Named aptly as he acts like one and in terms of body mass comes close, brother king is in NY now for the shoot for the sequel of the highly popular movie with the same name. Younger bro of big king, he is still learning the ropes of all things worldly. When anxious he does beat his chest and even the bowling alley recognizes the dude when he plays…rewarding every strike with a chest beating hairy animated species on the screen.

Verdict –Like the WWF wrestlers big, but harmless…

**VP: Well he is our version of Socrates,the great Greek philosopher. He used to be the one doing yoga in the middle of the office and getting into all sorts of mischief when everyone else was working. But one day almighty TC called him up and whispered something to his ear and lo and behold we had our own philosopher. The change was immediate…

I mean how do you answer Q’s like “ do snails fall in love”? You and I can’t but Mr. VP has an answer and I guarantee you that, you would have bought that before you left the Perera mansion. One of the pluses of having someone like this is, getting free counselling after office hours.

Of course I had my reservations before but then I found out he was happily married and had nothing to worry about. Thank fully they are generous hosts so I end up with a few Bacardi’s, Bombay Sapphires on the house and sufficiently enlightened. Now that’s counseling every office boss owes the subordinates! Although he thinks I only take the Alcho back I must say the man knows some shit..

Verdict : Still waiting to hear what TC said to enlighten him….

Rusco Aubucle: Takes the features and size from the 1920’s comedian and no was not involved in any scandals unlike the unfortunate American. This man should be commended by HR with a service award for keeping us all entertained!! his ability to think out of the box and the wise cracks are one of a kind…I am sure our boss will be having a chat anytime soon looking at possibilities of using the out of the box theory to work related stuff as well.

Verdict: Every office needs one and no we ain’t selling! Also takes credit for naming King Kong

Christopher : Hmmm, we had a little discussion the other day, he claims I am always late (now that’s partially true) and I claimed he is always sick (very true), so two days ago I offered to keep a diary with my clock-in time and his attendance.. and um he hasn’t been at work from yesterday. Smart – you guessed it, the boss is out sick!

Verdict: Every university needs him, afterall how often do you find anyone who had Denghi three times and survived?

** By weird the author means one of a kind in a postive way (appraisals are due this month! so this is a kind of a disclaimer no offence was intended-LOL)

Well well, sorry to disappoint you folks but the showdown has been canned. Alfaq happened to know the person insulted in the forum (actually the guys a nice fella and bought my last car;-)) and was able to talk to him and explain the posts were not to be taken literally. Doing some research it did appear some forum members have been adding fuel to fire and specultin and addin names to the elusive "WASSUP". The offended party meant business and it seems Mr Wassup has finally gotten to his senses and not posted more crap, or an innocent forum member could have been on the receiving end as you can never tell who's behind these "ID's".

Btw - the following is a response on the same subject, check it out. As you can see things were gettin heated up and there was a lot of humor and sarcasm. Luckily people just chose to remember the funny side of things..

QUOTE(SntPetersburg @ Apr 19 2006, 01:19 PM)  

"Have a life? you tellin me??

Just when I think I've read the stupidest post ever, you go and post another. Just as the strength of a solitary brick will not save a poorly built structure, your bad grammer does not redeem your craven incoherent words.

It's just as well you can type, for if you had to speak your mind, you'd be speechless. Generally, there is nothing wrong with having nothing worthwhile to say - unless you insist on saying it. Oh well, at least you only charge what your free advice is worth. Oh well, as the late Douglas Adams said: "You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

"Most repair manuals are far more interesting than you, and far less turgid to read. If you called the Suicide Hotline, they'd say: "Go ahead. Do it!" Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if you weren't so dumb that even blondes tell jokes about you; if your weren't so fat that when you stand on the weighing scale, it reads: "Sorry, we don't weigh livestock.", or if you didn't have a face that is registered as a biological weapon. No, come to think of it, you would.

Now, why don’t you climb onto that Special Needs tricycle of yours with the fourth wheel attached for extra-ensured retard stability and pedal your fat ass down to the sports field and do some “outdoors” stuff for a change. Hell, if you don’t like it, you can always offer to lick-clean the jockstraps" unquote

You can order your cheese rotty after all! See you on Sat. Drags on / cops off / burn some rubber. The forum itself is awesome and the folks get into some lively banter once in a while to keep it entertainin

P.S : Any bets on who posted this ;-)))

Well as usual I spent some time at HQ (see abrevs) before hitting home, mostly we discuss all things automotive and actually its pretty much all about cars and all things essential for cars.

We get an interesting crowd and like all things Sri lankan you have the factions, now the weired thing is things are heating up over a silly comment on an automotive forum…the mafiaso are on the look out and have the sniffer dogs out trying to figure out who's been posting under the alias "wassup", my gut feelin tells me it certainly can be the weed boys from scarey movie as the grammer was appalling ;-))

Anyways there's supposed to be a showdown on the 22nd and if any of you folks want cheese rotties better hit HQ early! The need of the hour is a few Solheims and peace talks, think the coffee stop will sponsor it? Will keep yall posted provided I am alive on the 23rd as well..

Well see I have this knack for loosing things and breaking things! I have lost no less than four mobile phones w/in the last 12 months. I think the thieves have ear marked me for phone robberies, thats possible right?

My good friend Mo has this to say after the latest loss & quote "Have you ever considered a phone implant? Might be actually cheaper in the long run!!!

God in his infinite wisdom, when creating mankind did not give us detachable parts. Else now you will be walking around looking for your head!!!!! " unquote

Maybe I should take the implant option?

HQ -Head quarters, this is where the gang meets every week and sometimes every day. Depends on how much of a problem it is going home or going back to work. Situated in Galle road Hotels Hijra and Pilawoos are part of the Sri lankan night life.

My friends argue that the food is not perticularly clean - but trust me this place has a faster replenishment cycle than most top hotels and besides if you can eat their you will probably be immune from Diarrohea or denghi for a lifetime..thats a good deal or what? check out the cheese rotty ..my personal favorite..

Driving ? If your an expat and one from Europe or the America's this weekend's about the only time you will be able to drive your V6's without dying from a heart attack. The roads are deserted and if you don't get behind the wheel now you better wait another year..Come Monday and the demolition derby will be in full swing…Took the outlander for a an airport drop and boy was it nice or what driving in a deserted airport road..My mum still thinks I never went to the airport..but merely to the HQ's and back!!**

Cop theory : I must warn all of you with who'm I have shared this theory before, it does not always work..basically the theory was when the coppers whistle and ask that you stop, to pretend you didn't hear it see them flaying the arms frantically and keep cruising at same speed..Coming back from Galle I was a lil bit surprised when the coppers gave me the chase, now if it wasn't phylosophical Mr Perera's vehicle I would have stepped on the gas..the boss was sleepin but still didn't wanna take a chance and pulled over.

Needless to say mr policeman was furious, my excuse that I thought he was part of the cheering gang jumping onto the road throwing water bags at the cyclist racing that day didnt go all that well..Not having the driving license just compounded the problems..Having wished him a happy Singhalese new year no less than three times and using the word officer one too many times he calmed down a bit and was nice enough to let me get away after a $30 fine..I guess there are exceptions to the "didnt see" theory..especially if the copper jumps right on to the middle of the road..

Hotels : Also a good time to get a hotel in Colombo, the 5star boys are going as low as Rs 3750/= and yep full board. If you do plan to go to lil England forget it, Its too packed, ridiculously expensive and last Wednesday I heard the local thugs went to town and stabbed everyone they could find..not a lot of fun innit?

Downsouth : Now that's where I'd put my money, the atmosphere is unbelievable. Best part is its dress down and so you womenfolk dont have to worry about getting dressed for an hour (on hindsight maybe you still would?). The only advise is check the W*** before you pay for it..you do get some shitty stuff especially if you look like you had just thrown up!

Saturday 15th -Big party down south at Hikkaduwa, anyone wants to join just hit Hikka town and follow the sound of music…belive it's at why not..Will let you know the details tomorrow lol

Footie (EPL) : Damn Sunderland , I mean Pauls my good mate and I have been taking the mickey out of him all season, but what a display..we couldnt get one thru and to think its the same keeper they had all along? Ok ok Paul you boys got us and maybe cost us the leauge…Time to put up with mour bragging, damn..Check this out, this is the MOST hilarious impersanation I have ever heard…http://extras.thesun.co.uk/podcasts/jose_cast.mp3

Work : I mean my jobs good and all that, but the worst part is when you know that your stressed upto your eye balls all trying to deliver em lingeries on time..imagine what a load of pressure Honda must be having planning to deliver motor cars? You will be amazed at how these silly knickers can stress people out..so next time you go shopping think of us..