September 26th 2003, a day to remember for more reasons than one. Actually make it three. Being the Eid festival day and that being a work day for me, I finally managed to convince my folks I should and could drive back from Kandy. As part of the deal I agreed to take someone with me, my parents were happy the village bully and self proclaimed Taekwando champion was joining me. I had to drop the dude over at Browns beach in Negombo and that for me was a small price to pay to get back to Colombo.
I had been driving for four months, the 2L GXE Primera I owned at that time was pretty quick, at 150HP stock that car was you could say a lot of fun to drive for someone who didn’t have much experience.
So off we went, left Kandy around 09:00 pm and as most people do from outstations wounded up a Prado boy. Now if there is anything bigger than the engines these boys had it was their ego. So the theory was to find someone who thought I was trying to race em and get back and keep trailing him, this way he does all the blinking and lowing the beams when the countless morons on the Kandy road keep coming head on with their headlights on. Made driving less stressful.
My addiction to cigarettes and plain tea’s have cost me big over the years and this day would prove to be one of the worst, cruising at aprx 140km’s we reached Warakapola in no time. Just before the usual pit stop for smokes I made sure to over take the pajero- smashing the geer down to third and take him down with a roar (thanks to the custom exhaust my brother had fitted) just to prove a point 
He was a good sport and actually waved at me! Anyways after the customary tea and two smokes me and the black belt were back on the road.
I couldn’t be bothered trailing now and we started hammering away, I have taken the
Kandy road a zillion times and know most of the turns and cautions but somehowI had managed to travel from Warakapola to Weveldeniya in low beams and when I realized this and put the high beams on, shit! right before me about 50 mts away was 90 digree uphill turn. In rally terms should have been a triple caution slow right!!!
I thought I will downshift my way and power out of the corner. My black belt friend however thought otherwise, screaming “oh god” “oh god” he was almost on my seat trying to cling onto me ( to this day I don’t know what he was trying to do!) I thought he was trying to strangle me for trying to kill him. If I missed the corner we were looking at 150 feet down, nice free fall for Bunjee jumping. Any courage I had, any plans I had instantly gave way to fear and chaos. No way we could brake all that way and if I rememeber right my pads were wasted too!
Slammed the brakes, turned the steering to the right and pulled the handbrake (not by skill but due to fear and not knowing what else to do). The next 30 seconds is something I can not remember. Thud – We had landed, I was on the right shoulder of the road and into a ditch. Luckily we had buckled up so the big cry baby and I were in one piece, I immediately got down to check the damage and guess what folks that was my lucky day or that’s what I thought…..
The front buffer was smashed, the side skirts were scratched and that’s all. Not bad eh?
I tried reversing out, no luck. The front wheels were jammed. Being a bit stressed out we decided to have a smoke and I must admit we attracted a hell of a lot of attention. I kept pointing at black belt to indicate he was the driver ;-)) Villagers came running and people passing stopped to ask whether they could help. There were two vans however that grabbed my attention, full of guys who were cocked out of their brains they slowly started getting out and yes lifting the car!! I hadn’t so much as asked but the good Samaritans helped to lift it and they also made it a point to place it facing Kandy on the shoulder of the road dead straight! I thanked them profusely and as aclho does to some people, they professed the love for their malli (brother) over and over and wanted to know whether I needed help to drive back. Thanking them I said I am good.
Seeing the crowd gather an off duty policeman stopped by to help, advising me of the dangers of driving fast the OIC was about to take off when “screeeeeeeeeeech and bang” of all things on the road a 7 SRI Ford way passed the sell by date and what looked like something destined for the junkyards lost control in the same fashion and smashed nose first into the rear door of my car. What a night…
Suddenly people were screaming and then only we realized the moron had run over two of the innocent villagers who had stopped by to help me. They were screaming in pain and by now the village thagayas were crying murder. For once I thought they were gonna torch my ride and everything next to it. The officer took charge and thundered no one be touched and he made me drive the injured to the Negombo hospital. That ride was the longest I have taken to complete 15kms, slow and still shivering I drove them to the hospital. That done we went to the cop shed where the good copper let me off the hook, he basically wrote something like this on the entry “I had stopped for a smoke on the way to Kandy (remember car was pointing that way) and as laws require had left my park lights on when the Ford banged into me. Nice. (I found out later that the Ford didn’t even have a handbrakes or lights, when I left for the hospital the villagers had to go running behind it and stop it from rolling down the road towards oncoming traffic and that’s why the copper was cheesed off with these boys)
Relieved and some six hours later from the time I left home we headed towards Negombo. I promised myself that I wouldn’t do more than 40kms, 40 became 50 and 50 became 60 and that became 70. Anxious for a smoke and some tea, we were on the look out. Since the brothers had all closed shop for the festival not a single place was open. Damn!!
Just before the turn off to the airport, I heard a loud bang. What now – hoping I hadn’t hit a cyclist I got off. The fog lights were dangling and the front buffer properly wrecked.It seems I had hit a dog. Just my day, I got in and told the Black belt who now seemed to be in some sort of a trance I am crashing with him, no way I could drive back as I was knackered.
5 minutes and 10 kms later another loud bang and what seemed like a quack, I was too exhausted to stop and I knew for sure it was not a human. I went staright to my friends quarters and hit the sack. I needed the sleep!
Next morning I woke up to see what was left of my car, the two fogs that were dangling were missing. Front buffer grazing the ground and the mud flaps had come off too!
Rear door was smashed and so was the boot lid and the lights on the left side. Not a pretty sight, get this – feathers of what was once part of a duck all over the vehicle.You would have thought I was into poultry!!
That tea sure cost me a lot, 150G’s to be precise. Then there is the instance of the cuppa costing me my ribs but that’s not for the blog!
As for me I made the mistake of narrating this to my friends and folks at work, even if I am the only one sober I don’t get to drive anymore !! And oh – when I went to collect the entry, the good OIC was laughing when he heard what had happened the previous day only to get annoyed that I didn’t stop to pick the duck up for him!
